(no subject)

Wow, the drive to the cinema felt like I'd gone back in time to the mid 90's... I was sitting on the grass sipping champagne out of a half pint glass toasting some evil deed, when I realised I couldn't play office politics any more. Not because I wasn't any good at it, but rather I was too good.

I didn't like the idea of who I could very easily become, and how much more I could embrace it.

Tonight I realised how easily I could throw up a wall, scrunch up my thoughts and push them into some deep place and smile and laugh and carry on. I don't like the idea of where that could go, and how much more it would snowball along the journey, especially as once again it was all so easy to do.

If there was any hope of it having a different ending then I have no problem in carrying on and being there for the long haul, but I just don't seem able to step back after crossing that line.

Last time all it needed was a quick resignation letter and a switch to contracting without the politics, the corporate ladder and the backbiting.

I need to think - and quickly - was has to be done this time. Right now, I'm all out of ideas.